Did you know that there are over 40 different life experiences that can cause a grief reaction? The first thing most people think of when they hear that someone is grieving is that a loved one must have died. It's true that death is definitely a huge reason someone might grieve. Other things that can cause grief are changing jobs, moving, losing a pet, health changes and relationship changes. Even getting married can cause a grief reaction because you may mourn the loss of the life you had prior to marriage.
Right now, the whole world is grieving. COVID has affected everyone no matter what your circumstance. Our lives have changed in a way that is not of our choosing, and we are all grieving what could have been and what was. Many of us no longer go to an office where we see other people. Many of us now are supposed to be homeschool experts and are to help our kids get their schooling accomplished. Many of us needed to have a crash course in video technology. Having videos in our home may seem like an intrusion. A friend was using the bathroom when her child came in with the video on, and the whole class of elementary school students saw my friend naked. These are not small things.
Grief compounds too. If you were already grieving something or someone when COVID hit, you might find that your resilience is at an all-time low and that you are struggling to get back on track. It is good to experience the emotions that come with grief as they come up and not try to stuff them away. They will come back with compounded interest the next time a grief experience happens if you don't deal with them the first time around. COVID is relentless because it is a long-term issue that has now dragged on for many, many months without letting up. The grief we are experiencing with COVID is compounding all by itself.
What then can we do about this? How can we deal with grief and get back to living? How can we get our resilience level back on track?
I had long been searching for an active way to process grief. Most of the books and classes that I found talked about stages of grief and didn't really have any actions you could take. Most of them made it seem like you had to passively accept that you were grieving and wait for it to be over. Then, I found a training on how to become a grief counselor that talked about RECOVERY from grief. This was an amazing find! My workplace sent me to the intensive training, and I became a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. In this training, I found action items that you can take that really work to help you process your grief.
Processing grief is still hard work even with active participation, but it is so worth it!
I highly recommend that you read the book, The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russel Friedman.
The book is inexpensive, not terribly long, and it has worksheets and action steps to take. If you follow the process, you WILL feel better! I have provided grief support to many people using this method, and it works! I have used it for myself for many different grief experiences. There is no limit to the number of grief experiences that you can process this way, and it takes less time with each one because you don't need to duplicate writing out your loss history graph.
If you find yourself avoiding picking up the book by eating, shopping, sleeping, drinking, etc. the book explains this too! Grief avoidance techniques are called Short-Term Energy Relieving Behaviors or STERBS. If you find yourself participating in this kind of avoidance behavior, it is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, once you recognize what you are doing, you might even find it a little bit funny as long as your STERBS aren't detrimental to you.
I hope that this article gives you hope that you can process your grief in a productive manner, and that you can move on! You won't forget what you are grieving, but you don't need to be tied to the emotional roller coaster any more. Take care of yourself, give yourself grace, and know that you are important!
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